The last two weeks I’ve been trying to force myself to create again. I know I know, we shouldn’t force it. I understand creativity comes when it comes. But I’ve found if I don’t put in the effort, I can hermit creatively for years.
The other day I was sitting in my studio, staring at this pink paper, just mentally blank. I thought about my favourite mediums and what I actually ENJOY using. So I picked up some charcoal. Its messy, it’s dark, it’s intentional. A lot like my ego.
I realize I am held back from creating and from sharing due to my ego. I understand she occupies my mind and tells me everything I can’t do. But I want to understand why. I want to understand why she’s so ready to live in fear. So I talked to her. I asked her why she wants us to be hidden. I asked her why she can be so negative. Then I asked her if she’d help me achieve my goals and help me reach my dreams.
A lot of the time our egos hold us back. Lurking in the shadows of our mind, we don’t even notice it. I am working with my ego, negotiating with her, on how we can make our relationship work. How can I use my ego to be a driving force to put out my creative content? While a lot of the time ego is fear based, it’s also CONFIDENCE. We all know that person who is “egotistical,” who thinks they know it all, who thinks they’re God’s gift to this earth. And why? Because they have their ego working with them. They have confidence and they have drive to get what they want.
I’m working with my ego so she’s not just lurking in the shadows. I want to push her forward. I want her to take charge and show the world what ego is known for. I’m hoping we can have a happy and constructive relationship, but I understand this takes time.